I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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