Define "chronic" masturbator.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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