He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
