The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
