just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We're too hungover to prance.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize