these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
