If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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