Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just want to make out with him forever
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
