the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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