in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
