four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
