no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
