Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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