Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
