I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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