wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
