he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
