He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My penis needs a shock collar
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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