What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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