I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
