How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
