eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
