Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
