How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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