Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
that may or may not have been my penis.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
