the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
