i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
