As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
