sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
