Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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