I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
