Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
