see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
