So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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