you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
