we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
