one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
