Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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