He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
