this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
