Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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