well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
