the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
