ADVERTISEMENT

• (913): View more from Kansas

  Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.

  Fav 26 2756 868

  share tweet
  

• (513): View more from Ohio

  why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position

  Fav 34 15913 1561

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?

  Fav 38 2553 3792

  share tweet
  

• (708): View more from Illinois

  I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.

  Fav 32 5436 2719

  share tweet
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.

  Fav 5 3244 1687

  share tweet
  

• (937): View more from Ohio

  She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.

  Fav 10 3044 1392

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (775): View more from Nevada

  You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.

  Fav 6 2635 1042

  share tweet
  

• (347): View more from New York

  Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me

  Fav 9 1073 1984

  share tweet
  

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.

  Fav 5 1563 768

  share tweet
  

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!

  Fav 2 2049 785

  share tweet
  

• (313): View more from Michigan

  My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?

  Fav 1 1057 621

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (734): View more from Michigan

  Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20

  Fav 5 623 934

  share tweet
  

• (509): View more from Washington

  Are you wearing clothes?

  (425): View more from Washington

  Fuck no, who do you think I am

  Fav 6 1985 672

  share tweet
  

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.

  Fav 3 407 626

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (770): View more from Georgia

  I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.

  Fav 0 62 7

  share tweet
  

Randomize