Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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