Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
