Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
