The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
