I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
