I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i barfeds in our rink
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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