I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
