Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't trust your balls anymore.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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