she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize