I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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