My cat gives me a boner
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
