Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
