He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
