It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
