I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
