Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Soap is not a condiment
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
