We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
