I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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