I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
