yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
